What to Do When Your 10-Year-Old Is Afraid to Sleep Alone

If you’re tiptoeing out of your 10-year-old’s room for the fifth time tonight—or lying awake wondering why your 10-year-old is afraid to sleep alone—just know that this is not uncommon. While many parents expect kids to outgrow nighttime fears, the truth is that bedtime anxiety in older children is more common (and more complex) than most people realize.

This guide will walk you through why this happens, what to do next, and how to help your child build real independence—without creating more fear in the process.

How Common Is it for your 10-Year-Old To Be Afraid to Sleep Alone

More common than you think. A 2011 study published in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry found that over 80% of children with anxiety have multiple sleep-related issues—including refusal to sleep alone. (PubMed)

Even among kids without diagnosed anxiety, nighttime fears in older children are prevalent. From monsters to intruders to the fear of being alone, these worries often linger well into the elementary years (Parenting Science).

Why Is This Still Happening at Age 10?

Several developmental and emotional factors can contribute:

• Separation Anxiety – Even at this age, some children experience strong distress about being away from their parent at night.

• Daytime Stressors – Academic pressure, social struggles, or family transitions can fuel nighttime anxiety.

• Imaginative Fear – A vivid imagination can turn shadows into threats. Cognitive growth often increases, not decreases, fears.

• Learned Sleep Associations – If your child is used to falling asleep with a parent nearby, it can be difficult to unlearn that pattern.

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Signs Your Child May Be Struggling With Bedtime Anxiety

• Requests for repeated check-ins or reassurance

• Asking to sleep with you or a sibling

• Complaints of stomachaches or headaches near bedtime

• Resistance to going to bed even when tired

• Expressions of fear related to the dark, being alone, or "bad things happening"

  
  

First Steps: What You Can Do

Helping your child sleep independently isn’t about tough love or quick fixes. It’s about gradually increasing their sense of safety and capability. Here's how to begin:

1. Create a Calming Routine

Wind-down routines reduce anticipatory anxiety. At least 30 minutes before bedtime begins- turn down the lights, read together, have your child take a warm shower, listen to calm music, or spend some time drawing-- this can all help your child transition more easily. Screens should be turned off and the noise and activity level should be reduced.

2. Normalize the Fear Without Over validating

Instead of “There’s nothing to be scared of,” try: “It makes sense that you feel a little worried. Let’s figure out what might help.”

3. Use Gradual Independence Strategies

The "camping out" method works well: stay by their bed the first few nights, then sit further away each night until you’re outside the room. But this gradual facing of fears can be applied to any bedtime fear. If your child fears the dark, spend a few minutes in the dark for a few nights, then gradually increase the duration.

4. Offer Coping Tools

Help your child build internal reassurance through:

• Breathing exercises

• Calming mantras ("I'm safe, I can do this")

• Visualizing a safe place or happy memory

• Using a comfort item like a stuffed animal

5. Reinforce Progress

Even staying in bed 10 extra minutes is a win. Praise the effort—not just the outcome.

A Note About Reassurance

Reassurance isn’t bad—but it needs to serve your child’s growth. If you’re giving the same comfort over and over (“Yes, the doors are locked”), it may actually reinforce anxiety by teaching the brain that something might be wrong.

Instead, shift to:

• "You're safe, and I know you can handle this."

• "I'll check on you in 10 minutes. Let's both try something brave."

These messages say: You're not alone—but you’re also not helpless.

One More Thing: This Isn’t About Pulling the Rug Out

If your child has been sleeping in your bed or needing you at bedtime for years, this isn’t something you fix in one night—and honestly, you shouldn’t try to. Sudden change without support can actually make anxiety worse.

The goal here isn’t to withdraw your presence cold turkey. It’s to gradually shift your role—from their nighttime protector to their calm coach on the sidelines. And to do that, your child needs more than just your absence. They need new tools.

That’s why any change in routine needs to come with:

• 🛠️ Coping skills they can use when discomfort creeps in

• 📆 Predictable, gradual steps

• 💬 Clear, confident language from you

  
  

With the right support, your child isn’t being left to face their fear alone. They’re learning how to face it—and realizing they’re braver than they thought.

How the Bedtime Box Fits In

The Bedtime Box was designed for exactly this moment: when your child still fears the dark, wants to sleep with you, or feels stuck in bedtime battles. Through step-by-step 'experiments', calming tools, and therapist-informed activities, your child learns to feel confident—not just comforted. And you get a step by step plan to follow along that keeps everyone accountable and on track.

It’s not magic. But it is a plan. And that makes a world of difference.

When to Reach Out for Help

If your child’s fears are intense, worsening, or interfering with school, friendships, or family life, don’t hesitate to reach out to your pediatrician or a child therapist. Sleep struggles are often just one piece of a larger anxiety picture—and early support makes all the difference.

This article is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice.

If you’re feeling stuck, just remember: your child doesn’t need perfection. They need patience, support, and a path forward. And you’re already giving them all three.

Hi, I’m Liz—a parent who’s walked the winding path of childhood anxiety. That experience inspired a deep commitment to helping other families feel more supported, equipped, and hopeful.

I create screen-free, therapist-informed tools—like the Bravery Boxes—that help kids build confidence while bringing families closer together.

Each resource is thoughtfully designed to be both comprehensive and easy to use, with just the right balance of fun and function. Because I know firsthand that when you're worried about your child, you need something that works—without adding more to your plate.

I bring a blend of lived experience, ongoing study in child and family mental health, and close collaboration with pediatric professionals to everything I create. The result? Practical, engaging tools that are rooted in research—but built for real life.

At the heart of it all, my goal is simple: to help families grow more connected, confident, and resilient—one small step at a time.